Long Time No See!!

Hiya!!

I know....

i haven't posted in forever but I'm posting now so don't kill me!!

><

Anyways.

I've been so tired lately and i dont know why.

I just cant seem to get enough rest.

I just hope i dont get sick from all this.

My head hurts a lot and my grades aren't doing too well from the lack of sleep either.

I got the proud grade of 67% in Math and my science grade went down...again. I didn't too well on an easy french test and i cant focus,think,speak clearly anymore.

I just.....ugh!

And I feel like I need a good cry because I'm missing the last two of my manga classes on Saturday. And I love it so much and i wont be able to say goodbye to them and give them hugs and it just sucks because i always loved going and it was something new and different and it helped with my drawings and encouraged my creativity and it was just a really fun realxing place to be and get away from everything.

*sigh*

On top of all that I'm not sure how much longer my dog is going to live.

He's lost too much weight too fast and he hasn't eaten anything and even when he drinks water it just comes right back up.

He's just not doing well....and I'm not sure whats going to happen.

And you know what really sucks?

I hate being down.

I dont like crying!

I want to laugh and have fun!

I want to be happy, i like being happy!!

And I'm finding that it's getting harder to lose myself in everyone and thing around me and enjoy the moment...which is what i used to do so easily before.

I dont want to become depressed again.

urgh!

There's too much drama and highschool!!

><

Ah well....

So....

hope you guys have been doing well!

Can't wait until the play huh?

:)

I'm listening to one of my favorite songs!

It's Once Upon a December from Anastasia

Ever heard it???

It's really good!

I love the movie too.

Well....

Some of us have to be to school bright and early tomorrow (><) (from 9am to 3 pm!!)

oh and go watch the video at the bottom

I love the song! and the singer is pretty cute too!!

;)

tee hee!

;)

A.Q.

the professional moodswinger

What I used to be...

I just found an old journal

It's from when i used to be depressed

My depression wasnt something i let show

At least i hope i didn't

I'm not proud of my depression

But I'm not ashamed of it either

Im a whole other person now

And that person is gone to me like a crush in kindergarten

So I decided to put an excerpt from my Depression Journal on my blog

Just to give an over view I guess you'd call it.....maybe.....

:)

I didnt put dates but heres one

In the notebook me and my friends write in I told them that only one day i was depressed. I wonder what reaction that will cause. Will they be able to see through my happy facade? I hope not. I dont want them to worry. I have the best disguise on that sometimes i fool even myself. But behind my seemingly cheerful eyes lies sadness pain and loneliness. Only my true love will be able to see my suffering.

-Jess

Yea so....

I think i was really lonely then and like most girls i just wanted someone to care about me a member of the opposite sex to be exact.

:)

I have another one that's a little longer...

Lately, I have been feeling very depressed and into dark things. I wonder if its just a phase or maybe im turning "Goth". I'm not even sure what that means. Maybe I'm just getting in touch with my dark side. That could strengthen me. i hope it wont smother me. I could just be going through depression where its forcing me to realize that there is no such thing as magic in this world. But i believe with all my heart that there must be more than this grey existence called life. Maybe I think that death is the only thing that will grant me eternal bliss. The darkness begins to wear down on my weary soul and perhaps that will be the end of me.....suicide.

Oh God I hope not! Suicide is for the desperate and I will...I must have the strength to carry on and prove to the world there is MAGIC!! I shall keep my eyes open, pay attention to dreams, and not think of explanations for wierd happenings. Even if it scares me, even if the only kind of magic is dark, EVEN if it hurts....i will do anything to have my hopes fulfilled and beautiful dreams come true.

Ummmmmm........

yeah...................

><

heres some really short entries from my journal....

The more days I live the more my hopes and dreams fade...replaced by problems and worries of the future.

It saddens me, as i cannot get the same joy out of regular things like i used to.

Uggh! I just thought of something that makes me shake, literaly. I have been guessing I would have to give something big up if my wishes were to be granted. So then i thought what if they asked me to give up my family to have my dreams come true.

I am still shaking.

Kay

I think that's enough

so yeah....

I'm not like that anymore and i dont want you to think that i am

Cuz I'm not!!

>:(

:)

Next post I'll give you the entry that changed me and my life

So until then

Luv you all

Your

never-going-to-be-depressed-again-friend

A.Q.