Sit Back Relax

Hihi everyone!

Well....

I dont really know why i came onto my blog.....

So i guess I'll just babble which i'm really good at doing.

Nonsense always comes out of my mouth so i apoligize to you all for having to put up with it and I thank you too.

I mean seriously you guys are amazing and i'm lucky to have you in my life

There's always some points in my life where i start to feel mysellf slip into my old depressed self and then that's when i get mad at myself for being so selfish.

What is there to be depressed about when i have a wonderful home, family, friends, an education, a fully working body, and i am totally spoiled.

I'm always afraid that people might think i'm ungrateful cause i complain a lot but it's a really bad habit of mine. And plus (especially around holidays) I get kinda scared and nervous when people give me stuff because i always feel so happy that i feel awkward and then i don't know how to express my thanks and it ends up coming out really....messed up sounding.

Like i'm ungrateful and don't really care but i do!

That's just the thing...I guess i am really bad at expressing my feelings

><

I'm really sorry too that you guys have to put up with such an ungrateful sounding friend but i want you to know that i really am grateful!

So...sorry

><

I hope you guys'll still put up with me.

But anyways....

I realized today that if i want to get along with my sister in anyway i have to completely stay away from her or else......murder is in the air.

We really have a hard time getting along.

I dont think it's a normal sibling rivalry either.

We're too different and i dont think there's much love between us.

We cant stand the sight of eachother for more than 30 minutes.

It's really ridiculous.

And i know it's really cruel of me but i guess i have a mean streak in me (that kinda scares me too...) but anyways....sometimes i think 'if only i was an only child' but i really don't know.

Would i be sad or happier as an only child?

I dont know but i always come away feeling guilty when i think that.

*sigh*

So...

I read a really great Beauty and the Beast fanfic on fanfiction.net called 'Take My Hand'

I really wish i could write as well as that...

You guys should go check it out...if you want to of course....

But I always wonder what my future is going to be like

Will I ever get better?

Will i be stuck in a boring job one where i sit at a desk all day doing paperwork and computer stuff?

Will my skills ever heighten?

Will i ever travel to all the places i want to?

What will the man i marrry be like?

Will we get divorced?

Will i drink alcohol?

There's so many questions that it makes my head spin

><

But i always gotta say to myself

"Hey! Wake up and pay attention to what's happening right now. You've gotta enjoy what you have while you got it. Life doesnt go on forever so you gotta get the most out of it while you're still in it. You gotta sit back. relax and enjoy the ride. This doesn't happen twice. Live life to its fullest and do what you want. Live it the way you want to and be the person you want to be."

I've gotta stop thinking about what's behind me and whats in front of me and start focusing on whats right here.

Or else i really will start taking things for granted.

Cause I am a slefish being who is a slave to her own instnat gratification.

I't hurts to admit it but i dont think i'm the greatest person on earth.

I find myself to be lazy, irresponsible annoying ungrateful selfish hypocrytical...the list goes on

And the sad part is I try to make myself better but i always succumb to my bad habits again.

Meh....i guess that's just me.

I'm not totally happy with it but not disgusted either.

Let's call it.....

Liveable.

;)

Until next post.

A.Q.

*hums* These are a few of my favorite things *hums*

Hey.

So I've decided to list a few things that i like, love, and am grateful for.

This might be a little long though and it doesn't even cover a hundredth of the things i like, love etc...

So here I go....

~Summer Rain

~Looking through old photo albums

~Making someone smile

~Sweet surprises

~Being Healthy

~Trying new things

~Doing things that i want, how i want, when i want to

~Doing things the way someone else wants

~When my friends are happy

~Adventure

~Smiles

~Freedom

~Dreams

~Hope

~Imagination

~Stories

~Love

~Romance

~Fantasy

~Thunderstorms

~Anime

~Freedom to believe in what i want

~An amazing Mom

~Listening to music so loud the house rattles

~The smell of spring

~The last day of school

~Singing in the shower

~Internet

~J-Pop

~Email

~Foods that remind me of summer in winter

~Fruit

~Great, Caring friends who i can always rely on ;)

~The excitement of wondering if your crush likes you back

~The walk to the coffee shop

~Summer nights

~Dancing in the rain

~Lying in the middle of the road at night with friends[the road was nice and warm :)]

~When the sun fills your room

~Designing school uniforms

~Gazing at the moon

~Watching Beauty and the Beast over and over again

~Making new buddies

~Playing silly games

~Being able to act like a little kid without being judged

~Laughing until i cant breathe

~Music that makes my heart flutter

~Sudden inspiration

~Hugs!

~Singing your heart out to Disney

~Listening to friends

~Knowing someone trusts me enough to ask advice and share a secret with me

~Satisfying my curiosity

~Giving and receiving hugs

~Kisses

~Being able to help

~Just being there

~Reading fanfictions and receiving reviews on my own

~iTunes and my iPod

~Falling in the snow

~Swimming in the summer

~Jumping into a pile of Fall leaves

~Sleepovers

~Being able to laugh at myself

~The adrenaline rush of my first roller coaster ride

~The smell of Fall

~Being able to pull out of depression

~Being able to be there for someone

~Being able to walk around the house in my bra ;)

~Hot showers

~Dancing in my room

~Musical and plays (especially being part of one)

~The word 'giggle'

~Pictures

~My manga class

~Otaku Club

~Being educated

~Different societies, cultures and beliefs

~Familiarity

~My Blog

~Making up names and words

~Nicknames!

~Getting spoiled

~Fresh Salad

~Pasta

~Family get-togethers

~Going places with friends

~deviantART

~Playing tag!

~Seeing the first sprout of the the seeds you planted

~Snowball fights

~Running

~Escape

~Waterfalls

~Standing knee-high in a stream on a summer day

~Being random

~Peace

~Chaos(hey, its a good change once in awhile)

~Riding the after school bus with friends

~Movies

~Favorite Teachers

~Surpassing your parents

~Knowing someone has a crush on you

~Watching a favorite childhood movie you haven't seen in awhile

~Winter mornings

~The first snowfall

~Finding out you have something in common with someone else

~Not being tied down

~Strong summer winds

~Using chalk till your knuckles scrape the sidewalk

~ Ice cold lemonade on a hot day

~Hot dogs at an amusement park

~Being so happy you cry

~Not knowing the future

~Bad boys ;)

~Danger

~Taking a risk and enjoying it

~Finding out that the way there was more exciting than the actual destination

~Having a cat sleep on the bed with you

~New Sights

~Happy songs!

~The boy next door

~Road Trips

~Staying up all night watching movies, eating junk, talking, playing truth or dare, giggling and fake snoring when you think the parents are coming

~The smell of the library

~Feeling responsible

~When someone thanks you

~Holding hands

~Cat kisses

~Changing into fluffy, clean pj's after a shower

~Hot cocoa after playing out in the snow

~Seeing my breath on the winter air

~Drawing pictures on fogged windows

~Doodling on math HW

~Being woken up by cat whiskers tickling your nose

~Snuggling

~The word 'huggles'

~Late night drawing

~Chewing on pen caps

~The smell of Wood Shop

~Fooling around with friends in the halls

~The morning at school before it's started

~Hangin' out at 'The Rock'

~Making pictures out of scribbles

~Having slippers that haven't been chewed on

~Kisses at the end of movies (most)

~Obsessions

~Dreaming of who you're going to marry

~Dances

~Being able to make someone else blush for once

~Making a drawing you're finally proud of

~Giving and receiving compliments

~Shiny things! *_* ;)

~Reading

~Writing

~Drawing

~Doing things right for once

~Meeting new people

~Japan

~Being happy

~Being the cause of other people's happiness

~Good Food

~Sushi

~Chinese Food

~Fortune Cookies

~Lucky numbers

~The colors blue, green, and black

~The mall

~Sharing fries with friends at the mall

~Ramen

~Finding out how to do things a different way

~The unexplained

~Being different

~Riding alone on the 'home' bus

~Doing something just for the sake of doing something

~Having soup when you're sick

~Finding songs that make you want to dance

~Rooting for both teams

~Having fun in gym

~Figuring out that it's harder to list things you dislike than like

;)

Well that's it for now even though i barely scratched the surface.

So tata for now m'lovelies!

Just kiddin'! ;)

See ya!

A.Q.

Criticize Me!

~~~~Just a random Pretty picture~~~~


Okay everyone!!


Since you guys all rock and are so nice i want to find out how I can be a better person!


You guys have to comment anonymously and tell me what i do that bugs you and what i dont do that bugs you cause i want to be as awesome as you guys are too me!


So dont worry about being nice


I wont know who says it and i wont cry or get mad i want it harsh and straight to the point!


So criticize away


If you were mad at me(or are) take it out on me now!


I'm ready for whatever comes my way!


And dont forget this is so i can become a better friend and person!


Now go be mean!!


If thats possible for you guys!


;)


A.Q.

Musical Time!!

So....my school is putting on a musical!

And...

I had the guts to actually audition for it(Go me!!)

I'm just a modern(A 'nice' word for an extra...) but i get to wear the cool costumes

*squeal*

I'm really excited and even thought this is old news(XD) I just had rehearsal today and things are started to come together(slowly but surely)

I'm really nervous though cause everythings so hectic and i lost my music(Crap!><) and i feel like i might mess up cause i dont know what im supposed to be doing...

I'm just getting really highstrung cause everythings coming at me in one sudden rush and as long as i can hold on to something i think i can make it through......

........

wow....that was kinda....deep....

woah...creepy!!

XD

Anyways i just wanted to spout out how happy i am being in a musical!

I mean musicals are my life(not really but i really love 'em!) and they pick up my spirits.

I have yet to find that perfect musical though....the one where everythings the way it should be

Love and angst and tears and laughter and action and killing and...yeah....the whole shebang!!

I always get pumped up talking about musicals and plays too!!

I think next post I'll start listing plays/musicals i have seen...

yeah!

Well...

I'm gonna go.....do something.....

I'm hungry....

I think I'll have Ramen tonight since my mom's working late.....

~~~Yummmmm!! Ramen!! How come that looks so good though!!???~~~

My sister can fend for herself

>:]

Hope you guys have good food for dinner too!

;)

A.Q

A Day of Love!

One of my favorite holidays is coming up!


Valentines Day!

~~~"Be my Valentine..."~~~




But....


I'm not prepared at all.......


I totally forgot it was this week


><


So if you guys dont get anything this Valentines day from me


its not cause i dont care about you!


Its because....I'm stupid!!


><


I cant believe i forgot!!


><


Please forgive me!!


I'll try to do my best to get gifts for everyone before Valentines day is over!


Valentines is the day where i get to show that i love you guys more than other days but i totally forgot!!


><


Waaah!!


I'm gonna go cry in a corner and mope!!!


...


Oh and heres another song for you guys!!


It's: Best Friend


By: Toybox





It's a happy song!!





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95rOHDHx5B4&mode=related&search=





Happy Valentines Day guys!!!


Thanks for being there for me even when i was a pest(which is quite often... XD)


Love Ya!!


;)

Dream Time.....Maybe.....

~~~"Now kiss me."~~~

All right... i can promise you right now that I really dont remember too much and chunks are definitely going to be missing.

So let me fill you in on what i think you missed.

When i left to go to Eric's i dont really remember what happened. I dont remember anything at all about the letter or mission and the only part i can really remember is the very end.

So.....

I'll start from there and try to make it make sense...

><

...............

I had come to terms that my pale skinned, dark-eyed, gorgeous exchange student was a vampire.

Not only had i come to terms but i had embraced it and even fell in love with him.

I know that he loves me too. Although his reasons are unclear of why a magnificient being like him would pick a girl like me to fall in love with when there were plenty of other more beautiful girls to choose from. I do not complain because now I do not know what life would be like without him. Would I be able to go on living on if he somehow died? I find it hard to believe that i could.

He has this way of holding me in his lap that makes me feel so...protected, warm, and loved. Like nothing could ever take that moment away. I guess this is what love feels like. It's painful and confusing and it makes you cry a lot but it's the most wonderful feeling in the world and you will never experience anything as great as love.

I wanted it to last forever but fate had other plans.

"Why?!" I cried by his bedside. I gripped his hand in an iron grip and lay my head upon his chest. "Why does this have to happen to us?!"

Damian brought his other hand up to rest gently on my head. He began stroking my hair in effort to console me but my tears flowed freely.

"Shh." He whispered soothingly. His velvet voice caressing my ears. "This is for the best. You need to be able to lead a normal life one that's safe and protected."

I shook my head, "I dont want a normal life! Not if its without you! It's not fair! It's not fair!" I heard myself whine like a baby but didn't care. How could this happen? How could Damian be dying?

A soft musical chuckle graced my hearing and i saw his lips curve up in that familiar smirk. "Whoever said life was fair? This is my time to go. I lived longer than any other normal being and witnessed greater things than anyone. I also was lucky enough to fall in love with the most enchanting girl in the world and was smiled upon enough to have her fall in love with me." His smile grew and his razor sharp canines glinted devishly from the corners of his mouth. We drew closer and shared a teary kiss. (The tears provided by myself) I pulled away out of breath and stared into his dark ebony eyes. He was still smiling and his hand rose to wipe the tears from my face. I leaned into his hand and breathed in his intoxicating scent and was alarmed when even my human nose could smell death upon him.

"There must be something we could do..." I whispred hoarsley.

"The only thing that'll save me now is blood but....I refuse to revert back into my old ways and risk endangering the one I love." He smiled again and continued stroking my hair. His smile fell and was replaced by a worried frown at my silence.

"What are you thinking?" He asked his voice wary and laced with mistrust. "You know i would never do that Jessica." He warned a feteral growl rumbling in the back of his throat a soft warning that his temper was flaring. I ignored it and gripped his hand tighter.

"But-"

"No."

"Then you wouldn't-"

"No."

Why-"

"No!" He finally snapped as my pleading drove onward my human stubborness showing through. "Jessica for the last time no! I do not want to create more regret than i already have. Think of what it'd do to me if I killed you. How do you think i could live with myself?" His velvet voice held the sharpness of a concealed dagger. I was pushing too much but it wouldnt stop me. I was human after all, and his harsh words wounded me. I let go of his hand and sat back on my knees.

"What about me!?" I insisted. "How do you think I'll be after you're gone?!" I started to bawl again my voice converting to a high cracked pitch so much different then his smooth and musical voice. "Do you think i could go on living without you?! 'Cause you're wrong! I'd rather die than live without yo-!" I was surprised when I felt his hand on my mouth. He glared down at me from the bed his breathing ragged.

"Don't you ever say that!" He growled. "You have too many reasons to live to want to die. I'll always be by your side but you have to promise me, no matter what, that you will never give up on living." His tone was hard. I nodded against his hand and he let it drop and pulled it next to him. He collapsed down onto the bed and heaved a sigh. "Good. Now i dont think I have much time left. So I'd like to tell you something." I tried to resist bawling outloud and shook with my efforts as unheard sobs racked my body. He began, "Know that I love you Jessica. With my whole being. Nothing will ever change that. And i want you to know that once i'm gone i will still love you and will always be by your side though not in person." He paused to take a rattling breath. "And in this short time i would like to ask for you to be my wife." I stared at him for a moment and then finally broke down and bawled. I nodded my head and with a shaky breath i answered

"Y-yes!"

"Then come here." He beckoned with an elegant pale hand. I took his hand and flinched. I stared down at it in my hand.

"I-its warm...!" I gasped and stuttered. His usual stone cold skin was hot!

He nodded his head sadly. "Death is setting upon me quickly." i took a sharp breath and held in my tears as he brought me closer to him. "This mark will stay here so long as you love me and i love you." He said as i felt his canines dig into my neck and there was a sharp prick followed by a cool tingling sensation that numbed my neck for a split second and then disappeared.

He fell back against his pillow and looked at me.

"Now kiss me." He smiled. And i obliged.

This time he pulled away breathless and just uttered a simple phrase, "Oh god I love you..." before he pushed me backwards with exceeded force and i watched distressed as he began to light in flames. His veins came alive with fire and it puored from his body. I watched as his form slowly began to disappear and saw that he was still smiling. And with a desperate attempt i tried to reach him but only managed in getting out a few words.

"I'll always love you Damian!" I cried. I swear i saw him mouth 'you better' before the fire roared suddenly and vanished in a whisp of air leaving behind a whispered phrase,

"I love you Jessica."

I dont know how long i sat there tears coursing down my face and my chest heaving with sobs but after awhile i rose with a jolt and ran to the mirror hanging on the wall.

Sweeping my hair aside i looked at the place Damian had 'marked' me in the crook of my neck.

I lighlty touched the ink black lily that graced my neck.

"Damain" I uttered.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Even to this day I still bear the mark of Damian. My love has never failed and his has lived on forever. As he promised he stayed with me the whole time renting out a large place in my heart for a home. I still wonder waht my life would have been like if i had never met my Damian.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Okay.....so.....

><

I'm kinda embarrassed about my dream....its kinda corny and mushy....

><

And it probably makes no sense because it doesnt even make sense to me

><

And there's so much missing from it that its not even like a complete thought/dream....

So i tried to use my 'writer's license' to fix it up a little and make it a little more interesting.

And now that I've written all this down i think i might write a story based on it.

Tell me what you think.

Comments appreciated.

;)

Your embarrassed friend,

A.Q.